I only met Stephen Colbert once in 1991 at GenCon in Milwaukee the weekend Jeffery Dahmer was captured about 6 blocks away. Mike Gold introduced us and Steve (before he was Stephen, he was Steve Colbert – pronounced Coleburt) moderated a panel focusing on my comics.
My one regret is that I never rose to the level of fame that would gain me a place on stage to take THE COLBERT QUESTIONERT. So, I’m doing it anyway and I invite everyone to celebrate the last night of THE LATE SHOW STARRING STEPHEN COLBERT by joining me in taking the quiz. Don’t be shy. Have fun and let’s celebrate a guy who provided decades of much needed humor in our darkest hours and stood up to those who tried to silence his voice. I’m sure the best is yet to come.
Stephen was absolutely right: the Emperor has no clothes… and a tiny little winky…
—Mike Grell
What’s the best sandwich?
AN OLIVE BURGER – preferably with venison. Finely chop jumbo Spanish olives together with black olives and layer on a toasted bun with a generous slab of sweet onion and tomato. Add burger and top with whole grain mustard. YUM!
What is the scariest animal?
A BUG. Doesn’t matter how big, they have six legs…MINIMUM… and they use those extra two to GET ON YOU.
Apples or oranges?
APPLES. Granny Smiths are the best available, but the winner of all time is the WOLF RIVER! They originated on the banks of the Wolf River in Wisconsin and don’t ripen until after the first frost. About the size of a grapefruit! You can make a pie with just one.
What was the first concert you saw?
JOHNNY CASH while I was at college in Green Bay, 1965. He was stoned, but June Carter and The Statler Brothers carried the show.
Have you ever asked someone for their autograph?
Yes, several but the most memorable was MILTON CANIFF, creator of STEVE CANYON and TERRY AND THE PIRATES.
What do you think happens when we die?
Those we loved and lost are waiting to guide us back to where we came from. After all, we are stardust.
Favorite action movie?
INDIANA JONES AND THE RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK
Favorite smell?
LILACS. There was a hedge growing outside our house as a kid and I have two bushes grown from cuttings in my yard in Wisconsin
Least favorite smell?
FARTS. Anybody’s but mine.
Dogs or cats?
DOGS. A cat only cares about how long it can feed off your dead body.
You get one song to listen to for the rest of your life: what is it?
Lena Horne’s SOMEONE TO WATCH OVER ME.
What number am I thinking of?
4. Stephen, I know damned well you’ve been thinking of 4 all along!
Describe the rest of your life in 5 words.
Always looking forward, never back.